this week passed kinda fast. was it because of the national day breaks? or was it because i really have got used to the life in SI.
friendship. seems like that's probably the most frequent thing on my mind, during my free time that is.
was talking, chatting with the guys during excercise that day, quite sad since i wasnt able to go out after some equipments died and were wrongly configured and all the shit. but anyways, it wasnt so bad. got to slack in camp at the POL point. but anyways, spent my whole day there. literally doing nothing except manning the equipment (for that LITTLE while) and setting up and dismantling the stuff. so we talked cock for that... many many hours. somehow, somewhat, james brought up a point. a point on having true friends. having best friends. its not the first time im thinking about this topic. rather, its not even the first time im talking about it. but as usual, it just saddened me. yes, its not the quantity but the quality of friendships that matter. but i thought for awhile, and a little longer, and then a little more longer. i had the quantity. but probably not the quality. before that, what does a best friend constitute? someone whom you can trust, can talk to, and is willing to be there for you always. someone who feels the same as you, towards you. i guess this is a general idea, general definition. for the former, i admit, its all down to me. i'm the one who decides to fulfil this 'criteria' or not. and yes, i guess probably i fulfil this criteria of 'opening myself up' rather easily to others. call me naive, call me too pure for my own good. but im taking each step as a learning journey.
many times, i want to be best friends with people, but i probably dont prove myself worthy enough for them. many times, i want to be best friends with people, but they devour me like some vulture scavaging for meat on a rotten body and make me feel so 糟蹋-ed. many times, i want to be best friends with people, but they prove themselves unworthy of me.
frankly, when the topic was brought up, i felt the pain. somehow. i dont know if i showed it, but im very sure i felt it. talk about quantity, i have tonnes of friends. any one whom i talked to, whom i can recognise. that probably means a huge huge number of people. according to facebook, at least 700. talk about quality. how many friends do i have? 1? 2? i dont know. those few names that come into my mind, who exactly are even my REAL friends. im guessing a number less than 100? and then, who are best friends. its pathetic. A 'social butterfly' indeed. sociable by nature, but flying around too much. too much that nothing is long lasting. even as of now, those few whom i think of as best friends, will they prove themselves to really be my best friends? or will i just be let down again, as usual. i guess only time will tell.
guys (actually more girls, but you know, its just a lingo), i miss you all. i really do. frankly, some of you may just be close friends rather than best friends, but i really really miss you all.
on a side (and happier) note, happy for myself, getting some recognition from biscuit. =D gives me more motivation for the rest of the course. and yes, PRIDE. PeopleRestIDoExtra. that was what i've been doing all these while. even back in BMT.
