Thursday, November 17, 2011
i guess it's really been a life-transforming experience for me so far. after 8 months in service. today i officially get promoted. once again, no longer a private. but a lance corporal. it's definitely a journey which changes or rather, forces us to mature from boys to men. from the innocent blur sotongs, to confident young men.
i guess its really been my pleasure to have been able to meet so many people of so different personalities, different characters, different mindsets. i'm really beginning to believe that things actually really happen for a reason, and we can really take charge and make any and every event or happening in our lives a turning point. as much as i wanted to be in command sch, i was denied the chance. i jolly well know the reason, and i really believe that the reason as to why i failed for command school was somewhat dumb. of course, being a man was what i saw coming, since i know i kinda failed qualifying for command school in the first place.
i remember mr kwek saying, "its really about yourself, do you want to be a small fish in a big pond, or a big fish in a small pond". i guess at many junctures in my life now. i have chose to be the small fish in the big pond, where i struggle to survive, but at the same time, grow bigger and stronger. i guess in NS, i've been thrown into a situation whereby i dont exactly have a choice. to be frank, i do feel like a big fish in the small pond at times. but really, i should continue to be humble. i mean, i really am not that good yet.
i find it quite amusing how people transform, how people change just because they are thrown into different environments, different situations. no names mentioned here. but its just, people can change for the better, because they expect a 'reward'. people can change for the worse, because they no longer see the 'incentive' of being good. i guess what KS said was true, it was up to each and every one of us, as individuals, to decide how we wanted to fill up the missing gaps after he left. come to think of it, i again feel that both of us do have very similar traits, similar mindsets. especially the part about helping people, being 'selfless' in a way, making sure things go the right way as much as possible, correcting wrong actions as much as possible. but of course, i'd say im really far, far from his standards.
there really are times when i wished for KS to be around, to help me settle the wrong stuff which i see, but yet cannot do anything about. but again, sebastian never fails. xDxD for those who know me, you know im the emotional kind. on one hand my mind tells me "hey, something's wrong. go do something about it.", yet on the other hand "but that person is not going to listen, he's gonna get upset and pissed off at me." i really want to know, and to learn how exactly to strike the balance between doing what i think is right VS what others think is right.
anyway, back to myself being a man instead of a commander. it really feels good to be one of the tops among your own people. its just like you're the top few in class, of course, that also means you would not want to slip downwards. i must admit that i really enjoyed my time as a man so far. and given a choice, i'd still choose the same path. cliched as it may be, but if i choose this path of lesser pay, lesser command, lesser 'pride', but get the same buddies as i get now. go through the same things i go through. i'll definitely choose this same old path, coz it has made me grow, mature, and allowed me to see things i probably would not have seen and experience first hand, as a commander.
12:06 AM;
